Saturday, July 25, 2009

Good News Finally!

I went for my 3rd chemo treatment on Monday. It wasn't as bad this time with the new anti-nausea medicine, but it still sucked. I did really well on Tuesday and Wednesday, but Thursday I waited too long for the medicine and was sick in the morning. I will be so glad with this is done. I still can't say the word chemo without getting queasy.

Every time I go in for a treatment, I see my doctor and each time he examines me. This time when he examined me, he noted that the lump felt softer and smaller. This is really good news because it means it is reacting to this nightmare treatment that I am doing. I won't have another PET scan for a month or so, so we won't know if there is any real change until then.

Even with this "good" news, I find that I am really angry today. I don't want to go through with this anymore. When I pictured my life, this was NOT a part of the plan. I just want everything to be normal again. I am really envious of all the people who have their small children and think about the distant future with those children. Losing my life seems like such an impossibility to me; yet I get choked up when I think that I may not be here to take care of my kids. I'm angry that when I do beat this thing (and don't get me wrong, I WILL beat it), my kids will have a small time in their life that was not a typical childhood.

I am rambling...